his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
do herpes really smell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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