I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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