I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
