my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
