you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
