Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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