All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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