I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
