the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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