Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
