I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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