I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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