You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
