I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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