I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
