a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I want her autograph on my taint
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
