Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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