Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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