At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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