9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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