Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.