hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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