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Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
