having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!