The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
