Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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