Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
