Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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