I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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