If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
