The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
