I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dear god my vagina.
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