how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
