Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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