Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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