I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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