I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
