i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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