Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
