girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to sanitize my soul.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
