Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
