We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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