drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
