Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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