He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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