i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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