Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
