I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
