I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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