i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
