last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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