i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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