meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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