I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your penis caused this!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
