He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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