I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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