Me. At least after what I've been through.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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