at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she smelled like a LAN party
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
