smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.