Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
May the power of my ass compel you!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP