Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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