Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.