im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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